


Gaining Hope

by musicture (ronkytonks)



Category: Mech.mans
Genre: Depression, Emotional Abuse, Homophobia, Neglect, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 03:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3274457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ronkytonks/pseuds/musicture
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With an asshole of a brother and a mom who doesn't notice anything, Lobran is struggling in life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Right now I'm splitting up one document into chapters, so excuse the wonky lengths until I get to actually updating chapters frequently.

“Hey.” 

Lobran was startled. Well maybe not startled. Surprised, maybe? It didn’t matter. He looked up from the red and yellow leaves on the ground. He was slightly slouched over, his backpack full of books. Lobran didn’t really used to be such a study bookworm, but having nothing else to do had habitually filled his life with good grades. Not that he really cared about them, it was just a consequence of a bored boy.

“Uh. Hey.” Lobran was almost home, his house just a few houses away. He could see that his mom’s car was in the driveway. Conrad had gone on Aissil’s bus to his friend’s house for a sleepover, leaving Lobran to his own devices at home. Lobran didn’t mind much anymore. He was used to it. 

Lobran glanced around, then looked back at the girl. She was pretty, he supposed. Short black hair that was cropped just beneath her ears. Bright brown eyes. Darkish, tan skin. She had on a grey shirt and her backpack was purple. Lobran’s backpack was black.

“Um, if you’re looking for Conrad, he’s at his friend’s house, you’ll have to come back later.” It was a line Lobran or his mom usually repeated. Conrad had lots of friends, sure. Lobran used to be allowed to hang around with Conrad, but eventually he got too cool or something to hang with his brother anymore.

The girl grinned. It was a suggestive grin. Lobran wasn’t really phased. Other boys probably would have been. “I wasn’t really looking for him, but thanks anyways,” she said. 

Lobran was, needless to say, sort of confused. He hadn’t seen her around his neighborhood before. Her name was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t quite remember it. He knew that his brother had a crush on her. He’d seen her around school, too. She was a grade above him and Conrad.

“So, what’re you uh, here for?” Lobran stopped in his driveway, hands loosely gripping the straps of his backpack. He bit his lip, raising his eyebrows and tipping his head.

“Well, I heard Conrad had a little brother so I figured I’d ask his brother out or something. You know him?”

“Oh.” Lobran felt sadness spread in his chest, though he wasn’t sure why. Maybe because no one really ever knew that he was related to Conrad. His brother didn’t really talk about him a lot, he guessed. “That’s uh, me.”

“Oh, really?” The girl blinked at him, a surprised look on her face. She seemed to be the kind of person who exaggerated their emotions on their face. “You and him look nothing alike.”

“I guess. He used to have black hair but it all kinda turned blonde. He looks more like our mom, now.”

The girl stared at him for a moment. Long enough to make Lobran feel uncomfortable with her staring. Then she stuck her hand out, a smile breaking out on her face. “I’m Sarlla.”

Sarlla, that was her name. Lobran had thought it’d started with some other letter. He hesitantly shook her hand. “I’m Lobran.”

“Lobran Renals?”

“It was almost Fawkis. My dad wanted to keep me, but, y’know how those things are.” Lobran shrugged self consciously, pretty sure Sarlla didn’t know how those things are.

“Sure. Wanna hang out? I took the wrong bus here, haha.” 

“Uh.”

“It’s all cool, though. My sister was home sick so she wasn’t able to tell me which bus was the right bus. I got on your bus instead. I actually didn’t come here to meet you, but then I recognized the house and remembered that Conrad was supposed to have a kid brother or something. Anyways, I texted my da that I’m here, so he’ll be around to pick me up soon, probably.”

She was sure… eccentric. Not at all like Lobran was used to. Well, Lobran was used to spending his lunches alone in the corner of the cafeteria, so anything different from that could probably be considered eccentric.

“What grade are you in?” Lobran asked, curiously.

“Ninth. You?”

“Ninth.”

“Oh wow, really? You look like you’re in middle school, still. How much older than you is Conrad?”

“Only a year. We’re close enough to be in the same grade. Just barely. He’s fifteen right now, I’m fourteen.”

“Wow, cool.”

Lobran looked down at the white pavement of his driveway. Sometimes he felt like a stranger in his own home. He looked nothing like his family. He swallowed his thoughts. Those kinds of thoughts were what made him sad. He was… sort of making a friend, he guessed. One of Conrad’s friends. He wondered how mad Conrad would be if he knew. Or jealous. A spark of rebellion ignited in Lobran’s chest, then went out as quickly as it came in. That’d be nice to finally have a friend, even if it was the one girl Conrad was most scared to talk to and most liked. 

“Um, wanna come in or something? I don’t think mom will mind. She might think it’s weird though, since I never bring anyone home.”

“Oh no that’s okay, I don’t want to get you in trouble with your ma or anythin’.” Sarlla blinked. She swayed a little on her heels. She looked like she wanted to come in.

“Mom won’t mind, she’ll just be curious.” Lobran shrugged. “And I mean, I have some cool video games, if you’re into that. I could sneak some from Conrad’s room if you’re like… bored with mine or anything.”

“Sounds cool.” Sarlla smiled.

“Okay.”


	2. Chapter 2

Sarlla ended up staying until past dinner. Lobran was disappointed when her dad showed up for her. He didn’t really like her being at the Renals’ household. He was pleasant enough with Lobran’s mom, but he could tell that her dad didn’t like him. Lobran waved goodbye to Sarlla and she waved goodbye to him as she was walked to the car by her dad. Lobran shut the door, then sighed.

He wished that all evenings could be like this, even with the grumpy dad attitudes. Maybe Sarlla would be interested in spending the night sometime? Maybe even being actual friends. Her story had changed up a little. Lobran thought that she was just embarrassed about getting on the wrong bus and tried to change it into a story to appeal to him. He wasn’t really sure about her actual thoughts or feelings on the evening. She may have thought it was boring. Maybe she would spread rumors around about him.

The last time he’d had a “friend” over, it had been a mean ruse. Some boy had slept over, but really he’d just slept over to find out things about Lobran and spread them around to make Conrad look bad. Well, it had certainly worked. It hadn’t been the main reason Conrad had told Lobran to stop hanging around him, but it was one of many. Aside from being the “screw up” brother and “that gay kid”, one of the main ones had probably been that Conrad found out his brother had a crush on his best friend. 

Conrad had told Lobran to keep his “creepy ass crush” away from him and Aissil. Lobran had had no choice but to sadly oblige. He didn’t know what Aissil had thought of the whole ordeal. He didn’t know what Aissil knew, either, if Conrad had told him or not. The entire thing made Lobran sad. He and his brother had been good friends in elementary school. They hadn’t been as good friends in middle school, mostly leading up to eighth grade where Conrad finally told him, “Hey dude, we’re going into high school and I need you to stay as far away from me as possible”. 

Lobran had done just that. In effect, Conrad seemingly had a nice social life and good standing at school. Lobran had simply melded into the background, going through routine everyday without much variation. He and Conrad had two classes together, out of the daily four. Conrad never interacted with Lobran or so much as looked at him. It was no wonder people didn’t know Conrad had a brother. Lobran felt hurt that Conrad seemed ashamed of him, or that he didn’t talk about him.

Of course, Lobran wasn’t about to tell their mom. He wasn’t a tattle tale and wasn’t about to begin. He knew what his mom would do, anyways. She’d go to Conrad and give him the speech about “being a good big brother” and then turn around and give Lobran the speech about “trying harder” and ultimately nothing would change. He loved his mom, yeah, she was a nice lady and really good at cooking things, plus she was a pretty badass flight instructor, but… she had limits to helpfulness, as did all people, Lobran guessed.

Lobran passed the kitchen. His mom was making cookies and humming to the radio that was on. He sighed and continued past it. He and Conrad used to help make cookies when they were younger boys. Eventually Conrad grew too cool for cookies, but Lobran had kept helping his mom up until the point Conrad told some of his meaner friends and Lobran was bullied until he never wanted to make cookies again. He didn’t know why Conrad did that. Conrad had been there when the boys had been being mean to him, but he hadn’t said anything. 

Lobran climbed upstairs and passed his brother’s and mom’s rooms before reaching his own. He entered and closed the door. His XBox was still on, paused in the middle of a car race. He and Sarlla had had a lot of fun gaming. He’d taken the racing game from Conrad’s room and probably should put it back before he forgot. He took out the disk and closed the disk tray, returning the disk to its case. He walked from his room to Conrad’s room and put the game back on Conrad’s desk where he’d gotten it.

Conrad got really pissed when Lobran borrowed his things. Lobran could understand, maybe. His mom had told him that they were growing boys and needed their space. Lobran wished that Conrad didn’t need his space though. When they were little, they had practically shared everything except bodies. It was Conrad who had decided they should get separate rooms and pretty much separate lives, after that. It made Lobran sad, but he guessed being sad didn’t do anything for him.

Lobran returned to his room and closed his door once more. He had a couple of pictures of fish taped on the back of his door. Conrad had told Lobran that it was stupid he had fish on his door. Lobran kept the fish there in place of photos of friends. He pretended that he’d taken the pictures of the fish and made friends with them. If he had had any actual friends, that was where their pictures would go. He did have one picture of Conrad and Aissil together, actually, but that was underneath Lobran’s bed. Conrad had gotten mad at him for still having the picture. It’d been Conrad’s 14th birthday and their mom had gotten a picture of Conrad and Aissil.

Conrad had gotten to throw a small birthday party with his friends. He’d told Lobran to stay upstairs and not come out all day. Their mom had noticed Lobran’s disappearance after a while and made him come down. Lobran hadn’t really been doing much. It’d been a Saturday, so he’d been reading webcomics online and listening to music and Netflix. Conrad had been upset at Lobran and their mom for having Lobran come downstairs. Aissil had been happy about Lobran being there, Lobran thought. Conrad had made sure Lobran stayed away from his friends, though. It had hurt, but Lobran could understand Conrad wanted his space.

At school the following week, Lobran had become a topic for a few days. Most of it was along the lines of “I don’t know how that loser got invited to Conrad’s party- he didn’t even do anything most of the time.” Lobran had felt hurt that he hadn’t even been recognized as Conrad’s brother. He had tried to forget it though- bury it underneath schoolwork and other thoughts.

Lobran pulled off his jeans and sweatshirt. He normally changed into his pajamas right after he got home, but he had felt shy with another person there. He pulled open one of his drawers and picked out some pajamas at random. He tugged them on, leaving his dirty clothes on the floor. Lobran didn’t really care about organization. Every few weeks he would run out of clothes to wear and be forced to pick up everything in his room and wash it. It took at least two days to wash everything. Lobran turned off the lights and crawled into his bed, taking the XBox controller and turning it to Netflix. 

Lobran usually went to bed early on account of having nothing else to do. Conrad called him weird for it, asking why he didn’t just text some friends or something instead of going to bed early like an old grandpa. Lobran never explained that he had no friends to text. He turned on the Little Mermaid on the TV before putting the remote on his nightstand and rolling over in his bed. His heart throbbed and his chest squeezed sadly, like it did almost every night. He considered texting Conrad, but he knew he would just get some disinterested response, or maybe even none.

He closed his eyes. Whenever Conrad texted him, it was usually passing something from mom to him, or warning him not to do something. Like, “Lobran, don’t use my shampoo again or I’ll punch you”, or “mom said you’re making dinner tonight- better learn how to cook really quickly or I’m calling poison control”. Normal stuff like that.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day was a Saturday. Even though Lobran went to bed early, he slept in late. He didn’t know when he’d started the habit of excessive sleeping, but sleeping felt better than being sad. He heard Conrad downstairs talking. He didn’t know with who. Maybe with mom, or maybe on the phone with somebody. Lobran didn’t really care. It wasn’t his business. He sat up just a little to check the clock.

Damn, it was 2 pm. That was a little earlier than when he usually woke up. He sighed, laying back in his bed. When he’d first started this habit, he usually felt groggy or dizzy or sick waking up. He guessed the feeling had eventually stopped after he kept doing it. Lobran closed his eyes, pulling his covers to his chin. He still felt like he could sleep for a few more hours at the least. Sometimes he missed dinner because he had been sleeping.

He didn’t really know what Conrad or his mom thought of his habits. He didn’t really know that they weren’t good habits. His family had never made any comments about it. A deep, sad part of Lobran wondered if it was just because they didn’t care if something was wrong with him. He truly believed that that thought might be true. He sighed again. He had dark purple curtains on his windows. When his mom had let him redecorate his room, he’d gone purple and black themed. The heavy curtains were to block out the sun so that his room could always be dark when he wanted it to be. 

Lobran heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Not heavy enough to be mom’s. They were probably Conrad’s. He was probably going to his room or something. 

When Lobran heard knocks on his bedroom door, he was a little surprised, but it wasn’t enough to get him up. Maybe if he didn’t answer, Conrad would go away. He scrunched his eyelids when his door opened and light poured in. He pulled the covers over his eyes, groaning.

“Come on dude, get up, mom wants you.” 

Lobran groaned again. “I’m sleeping.”

“Mom wants you. She’s taking me and Aissil to the festival to meet up with some other dudes. She wants you up to guard the house while we’re out.”

Lobran’s heart had perked at the mention of the county fair, then dropped when he realized he was being left out. “Just go,” he mumbled. “If anybody breaks in they can take me as treasure or whatever.” He stayed hidden underneath his covers.

Conrad snorted. “As if anyone would want you as treasure, man. Seriously though, get up. Mom won’t take us ‘til she knows you’re up.” Conrad rapped his knuckles on the frame of the door before heading back downstairs.

Lobran allowed himself to mull over Conrad’s choice of words for a few moments, before sighing and pulling himself out of bed. He wasn’t going to get dressed. He planned on going back to sleep once they were gone. Lobran slowly descended the steps, not really caring about Conrad and Aissil going to the fair. He wished he could go with them. He really wanted to.

When Lobran reached the bottom of the staircase, Conrad was leaning against the wall there. “Hey man, thought you were gonna take forever.” Conrad got up from the wall and started to turn.

“Hey, um, Conrad?”

Conrad blinked, looking to his brother. “Yeah?”

“Uh, you don’t happen to have Sarlla’s number, do you?” Lobran felt nervous asking. He should have just asked her before she left last night, but it hadn’t occurred to him.

Conrad narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, why?”

“We hung out last night and uh…” Lobran faltered, his fingers coming together to fiddle with each other as Conrad stared at him. “I thought it’d be… cool to… talk to someone…”

“There’s no way you guys hung out last night,” Conrad said after a pause. He grinned. “Liar, tryin’ to make me jealous.”

“You can ask mom. She took the wrong bus home and stayed here while she waited for her dad and we played video games.”

“Trust me dude, she was just staying here ‘cause she had no where else to go. It’s not like you were anything special, just someone to pass time with.”

“Oh..” Lobran felt his heart lower in his chest and his shoulders sag a little. He’d been really hoping that… he finally maybe made a friend. “Okay.”

Conrad watched him for a moment, then shrugged. “I’ll text you her number in the car, but don’t waste your breath dude. Laters.” He started towards the front door. Lobran heard Aissil’s voice, but didn’t perk up.

He felt sad as he heard the front door shut and his mom lock it from the outside. He slowly sat down on the bottom step of the stairway, wondering what was wrong with him and why he wasn’t able to make friends. Tears welled in his eyes and his chest hurt. He just wanted to go back to sleep forever. 

Lobran hurriedly wiped his eyes when he heard the door unlock and open. “Shit, forgot my jacket.” Lobran scooted out of Conrad’s way as he hurried up the steps to his own room. A few moments later, he came running back down, saying nothing to Lobran before he ran out of the house and locked the door again. 

Lobran felt sad.


	4. Chapter 4

Lobran didn’t recall any of Sunday. He didn’t think that he’d actually been awake at all during Sunday. He’d read somewhere that it wasn’t healthy to sleep that much, but he wasn’t really a health expert and decided to ignore the article. Monday wasn’t that great, or at least the start of it was unremarkable. He sleepily sat through Geometry and some sort of Social Studies class before he got to the thirty-minute recess break that wasn’t really recess. Lobran almost opted to stay inside, but his teacher ushered everyone out, apparently having to leave for some sort of meeting and not able to stay to watch the rest of the kids.

Lobran had glumly followed the few kids who were going to stay as well, through the halls and down the stairs. He didn’t really know where to go. There wasn’t really any place for him to go. The library wasn’t his kind of place, but neither was mingling with the other one thousand, nine-hundred and ninety nine students out in the front of the school. Lobran headed to the cafeteria, which was usually off limits to kids before lunch, but Lobran was allowed in because the teachers trusted him.

Or, he would have gone in, if somebody hadn’t grabbed his shoulder. He flinched, expecting some sort of punch in the eye, or for somebody to yell at him. He turned around, expecting to find someone towering above him. He had to look around before he found a girl just a little bit shorter than he was. She was smiling at him. She let go of his shoulder and pointed towards a familiar girl. Lobran stared.

It was Sarlla!

Sarlla waved at him, smiling. The girl took his hand and started tugging him towards her. If Lobran looked like he was still in middle school, this girl looked like she was in the fifth grade. Her badge said ninth, though, which was a surprise. Lobran blinked at Sarlla, surprised. Conrad hadn’t ever texted him Sarlla’s number, he suddenly remembered.

“Uh. Hi.” Lobran felt awkward. Was she going to reveal some kind of mean trick she’d played on him?

“Hey Lobran. ‘Sup? I have never seen you out here that I remember.” She looked down at the girl, who was standing by her side now. “Oh yeah, by the way, this is Arsoni. She’s mute.”

 

Arsoni waved. Lobran nodded and waved back.

“So how come I haven’t seen you out here before? I’ve been keeping an eye out for you. We never exchanged phone numbers.”

“I usually stay inside,” Lobran mumbled, looking up at her. She was at least a head taller than her. “I um, asked Conrad for your’s but he said that you hadn’t really c- well uh, he forgot to send it.”

Sarlla raised an eyebrow, then smiled at him. Before he knew it, her phone was in his hand and she was instructing him to put his number into her contacts list. He typed it in, then she took the phone back and said his name aloud as she typed it into the header. “Loooobraaaaaan Renaaals. There we go. Right next to your brother.” 

Lobran blinked when the flash on the camera went off. “Oops, shit, left the flash on.” There was a camera click sound. “There we go. It’s easier to tell who’s calling with pictures. I’m colorblind, not that the letters affect my reading, but I’m also a little dyslexic, so that’s why the pictures.”

Damn, that girl talked fast.

“So, you have first lunch? I know Conrad does. Wanna sit with me and my sister? Arsoni used to sit with Aissil, but the boys that he hangs out with are assholes and she didn’t want to be around that anymore, so she sits with us.” Sarlla smiled and Arsoni nodded.

“Um.” Lobran’s mind was reeling trying to process everything. “Sure?” Anything seemed to be an upgrade from sitting alone in the corner.

“Cool, stick with me, then.”

...

Lobran was nervous about how Conrad would feel about this. Sarlla didn’t seem to notice he was nervous, but her sister did. They looked remarkably alike, but also their attitudes were almost polar opposites. Where Sarlla talked a lot and was outgoing and bold, her sister was quiet and shy and seemed to be scared of taking up any space. Lobran ended up sitting next to her, Sarlla and Arsoni and a dark haired, dark skinned girl sitting next to Arsoni and doing nothing but being on her phone.

Sarlla didn’t waste any time introducing anyone once everyone who wanted lunch got their lunch. “Aniese is my sister, this is Arsoni- you know her by now-, and the fuck who won’t get off her phone is Dadevu.”

Dadevu nodded. “Sup.” She said nothing more, nothing less.

“And this, everybody, is Lobran. He’s Conrad’s brother.”

“C-C-Conrad h-has… a b-b-bro-bro-brother?” Aniese very quietly asked. Lobran noticed she had no lunch. Sarlla had a packed lunch in front of her. 

“Yeah, apparently Conrad doesn’t really like to talk about him or somethin’. What’s that about, Lobran?” Sarlla asked.

Lobran shrugged, looking down at his food. He wasn’t very hungry. “He doesn’t really like me.”

“Aw.” Sarlla leaned forward and pet his head briefly. “Dunno how he couldn’t. You’re small and squishy and adorable. What’s not to love?” 

Lobran smiled a little. Sarlla smiled back at him before retracting her hand and sitting back down in her seat. She unraveled her lunch bag, starting to pull out her food before looking to her sister. She seemed to notice that Aniese had no lunch.

“Hey, you forget your lunch?” Sarlla asked.

Her sister shrugged quietly with a sad look on her face that Lobran knew. She hadn’t packed it because she had probably felt bad about it or something. Lobran scooted his tray in front of her, not having eaten any of his food. He was never particularly hungry except at dinner, but even then he didn’t have the stomach room to eat much. His family didn’t seem to notice that, either.

“You can have mine, I’m not hungry.”

Sarlla’s sister started stuttering, insisting that she was perfectly fine and didn’t need any lunch. Lobran shrugged.

“I dunno, I’m not really planning on eating any of it, so if you don’t eat it, it’ll be going in the trash after lunch.” That much was true.

Aniese paused, looking conflicted. Finally, she sighed and nodded, a very small thankful smile tugging at her lips. Sarlla was munching on her own food, looking happy that her sister had food and she hadn’t had to give up some of her’s, though she would have happily done it. She looked to Lobran.

“So why aren’t you hungry?”

Lobran shrugged. This was probably the most he’d talked at one time in a long while. “I’m never really hungry.”

“Well you certainly look like you never are.” Sarlla pulled out a bag of chips from her lunch bag and shoved them to Lobran. “Eat these at least. You’ll end up a skeleton before you know it.”

Lobran blushed, not used to kindness from other people. He looked to Sarlla’s sister, who smiled a little at him. She was only kind of picking at the food from the tray, but looked like she was making an effort to eat, whether she was trying to be polite or having a hard time allowing herself to eat. Lobran looked down at the bag of chips. They were salsa flavored Sun Chips. He’d never had these kind before. He quietly thanked Sarlla and opened the bag of chips. 

Sarlla turned her attention to Arsoni when she started tugging on Sarlla’s sleeve. Lobran followed Arsoni’s glance when she glanced to a table just a little bit aways. His brother and Aissil were sitting there with some other guys and a few girls, laughing at who knows what. Aissil looked uncomfortable, tugging on the frays on his scarf and looking away from the kids. Lobran wondered if he was okay. It didn’t occur to him that he might have been being made fun of. Conrad didn’t look as uncomfortable as him, grinning at whatever joke was being made.

Lobran felt weird watching Aissil, so he looked back down at the bag of Sun Chips in front of him, pulling out a chip and nibbling on it. He was careful, though. It would of hurt if he accidentally jammed it in the gap between his front teeth. He’d done that a few times with other foods. When Lobran looked up again, he saw that Aissil was on his phone, shoulders sort of tilted upwards in a defensive manner. Conrad elbowed him and said something to him, then returned to the other guys. 

Arsoni was tugging Sarlla’s sleeve again, holding her phone up to Sarlla so she could read it. Sarlla took a moment to read it, squinting and taking longer than it probably would have taken Lobran, but then he remembered she was dyslexic. Or, sort of, he guessed. He didn’t know if there were varying degrees or what. Finally, Sarlla nodded. 

“Sure. Tell him not to be an asshole over here, though,” Sarlla told Arsoni. Lobran was confused and Sarlla must have noticed his face, because she started explaining. “Aissil over there is Arsoni’s cousin. The guys over there are telling gross jokes- and I mean like, not ‘ew that’s gross’ but, you know, those kind of jokes- and he’s kind of uncomfortable or something and wants to come and sit with Arsoni.”

“Oh, okay.” Lobran wasn’t sure how to feel about Aissil coming over to sit at the table. On one level, he was kind of excited, because he really liked him and missed him, but on the other hand, he was scared Conrad would somehow equate that to Lobran stealing his best buddy.

Arsoni stood up, holding up her finger in a “one moment” fashion, then started over to Aissil’s table, her skirt swishing. Lobran hadn’t known that Aissil had a cousin, but then again, he hadn’t really talked to him in a few years, so it wasn’t like it could have been casual conversation between them or anything. He watched as Arsoni bounced up to the table, doing some stuff with her hands- sign language maybe?- towards Aissil. Aissil smiled, looking like he hadn’t totally asked her to come get him, but also just slightly relieved.

One of the guys at the table must have cracked a joke, because the other kids except Aissil and Arsoni started laughing. Arsoni let her hands down, her shoulders stiffening a little, but a smile was kept on her face. Aissil said something to the boys, his smile fading, but it seemed to make the kids laugh harder. Conrad looked like he was trying to make off whatever had been said as “just a joke”. Aissil shook his head, standing up with his sling-over-the-shoulder backpack and his tray. 

Arsoni took Aissil’s arm, smiling at the group at the table, then turned around, starting to walk with Aissil back to the table that Lobran was sitting at. As soon as she turned around, her happy smile dropped and hurt registered on her face. Her eyes went down to the ground and her fingers dug into Aissil’s sleeve just slightly. Aissil didn’t look happy, either. 

When they came back to the table, Arsoni sat back down in her seat, Aissil sitting on her left- Lobran’s right. Dadevu leaned over from Sarlla’s side and looked to Aissil. 

“Hey dude,” she said, setting her phone down just a little. 

“Hey,” Aissil said quietly. He was preoccupied with taking Arsoni’s hand and holding it.

“What happened?” Sarlla asked, looking to Arsoni, then Aissil. 

“They made a joke about her being, uh.” Aissil’s eyes cut to Lobran and his voice faltered. Arsoni signed something to Aissil, her eyes still downcast. Aissil nodded and looked back to Sarlla. “Y’know. Being trans and mute.”

 

Sarlla frowned, jaw setting in a pissed off way that Lobran recognized, because whenever his mom was pissed off, she would do the same thing. He looked to Aniese. She had stopped eating, a sad but understanding look on her face. He looked back to Arsoni and Aissil.

“I don’t know why you hang out with those guys, they’re assholes. If you stay around them too much longer, you’ll probably end up acting the same way,” Sarlla told Aissil. 

“I’m not gonna hang with them anymore,” Aissil replied. “I told them that ‘fore I left the table.”

Lobran was sort of confused by all of the sudden drama. It made sense that they were mad about a joke being made at Arsoni’s expense. He’d been there, he knew it didn’t feel that great. He just wasn’t used to being exposed to drama, he guessed. The walls in the corner didn’t really have that much to go on about, except maybe that a spider had made a nest in the corner and that it really sucked. Lobran said nothing. He didn’t belong in this conversation.

Arsoni hugged Aissil’s arm, resting her head against his shoulder. She probably wasn’t going to finish her lunch, Lobran guessed. He nibbled on the Sun Chips, looking from person to person. He looked up, surprised when he heard Conrad’s voice.

“Hey dude, come back to the table, they didn’t mean it. Arsoni can come, too, and everyone’s real sorry his- uh, her feelings got hurt.” Lobran noticed Arsoni grimace at Conrad’s miswording. 

Conrad was standing behind Aissil. His hands were in his hoodie pocket and he looked concerned. Lobran had gotten him that hoodie for his thirteenth birthday. It made him glad to see him wear it all the time.

Aissil turned around. “No way, dude. I’m not gonna hang around people who fuck around with Arsoni, she doesn’t deserve that.”

“Come on, man,” Conrad almost whined. “It’s boring without you over there.”

“Good, maybe you’ll stop hanging with them, too.” Aissil made a face at Conrad, then turned back around to the lunch table.

Conrad sighed. “Alright, dude. We still friends, though?”

“We’ll see.” Aissil hugged Arsoni. 

Lobran happened to catch Conrad’s eye. Conrad blinked, looking a little surprised to see Lobran actually sitting with people. Maybe it had never occured to Conrad that they had the same lunch, or that he had never really thought about where Lobran spent his time during lunch. He stared at him for a moment, then he narrowed his eyes and frowned at him, like all of this was his fault. Then, he left. Lobran felt that terrible sad pit in his chest again, wondering what he’d done wrong. He leaned his head in his hand, propping his elbow on the table and not really feeling up for Sun Chips anymore.

Sarlla huffed, looking pissed. “God he’s such a dolt. He used to be really nice, but now he’s hanging with those creeps. Ugh.” She sighed, wrapping an arm around Arsoni’s shoulders. “At least his brother is good.” 

Lobran almost missed the comment, but then it occurred to him that he was Conrad’s brother. He’d caught the sort-of-compliment a little too late, though, and couldn’t reply without sounding dumb. He looked to Arsoni and Aissil. He barely knew either of them- well, mostly it was Arsoni he didn’t know- but he felt sad for them.

Aissil looked up at the mention of Conrad’s brother, then blinked, seeing Lobran there for the first time. He smiled a little. “Oh hey, dude.” Then he frowned, looking a little conflicted. He looked like he wanted to ask something, but couldn’t quite say it, so he went onto something else. “I didn’t know you had our lunch.”

“I do.” This was awkward. 

“How come you never said anything? You could have come sit by us or something. Or, well, maybe it’s better that you didn’t, but dude I haven’t really heard much from you anymore.” 

Lobran looked, down, shrugging. This was a gentle topic he really never wanted to indulge in. “Conrad doesn’t really like me being around you guys- uh, him, so I don’t bother him.” 

Aissil frowned. “That’s shitty. You’re brothers, you’re supposed to hang together.”

Lobran shrugged. He didn’t want this to be about him. He looked up when the bell rang, realizing that his heart was racing from… talking? Being by Aissil? Anxiety? He didn’t know.


	5. Chapter 5

Lobran usually checked his phone a lot, but for some reason, today it didn’t occur to him to check it until he was off of the bus. He pulled it out of his pocket, his free hand shoved deep into his jacket pocket to try and ward off some of the autumn chilliness. He had a few texts. Some from Sarlla and Aissil, one from Arsoni. Sarlla had given them both his number. He noticed he also had one from Conrad. That was odd.

Lobran tapped it and the message screen was brought up.

“Conrad [1:38:45 PM] : youre dead, dude ~=D ~=D”

His heart jumped and he glanced behind himself, then felt silly for doing so. Conrad had headed to some other friend’s house for some kind of video game play date, so he hadn’t come home on the bus with his brother. Even so, Lobran felt worried. He hadn’t done anything wrong, had he? He didn’t feel like he had. Sure, he felt a little guilty for hanging with the people Conrad considered his friends, like Sarlla and Aissil, but other than that, Lobran had completely stayed out of Conrad’s business and personal life. 

Right?

“Lobran [4:49:34 PM] : huh?”

“Conrad [4:53:06 PM] : you know that you arent supposed to hang with my friends dude ~=D ~=D”

“Conrad [4:53:36 PM] : like, sarlla? really? and sending arsoni over there to get his cousin? dude you suck ~=D ~=D”

“Lobran [4:54:07 PM] : arsoni’s a girl”

“Lobran [4:55:54 PM] : and sarlla asked me to sit with her, so whatever. i didnt bring aissil over there either, he was texting arsoni or some shit cus of wat ever you guys were talking about over there”

“Conrad [5:03:10 PM] : haha right hes as much as a girl as you are. and no dude ur lying like always ~=D ~=D”

“Conrad [5:04:05 PM] : why dont you hang with your own shittyass friends im sure theyll listen to your annoying face all day ~=D ~=D”

“Lobran [5:10:06 PM]: i dont have any friends conrad. this is literally the first time ive sat with anyone at lunch since the end of 7th grade”

“Conrad [5:12:54 PM] : …. thats kind of pathetic dude. ~=D ~=D”

“Conrad [5:13:32 PM] : man i wish i had a brother who wasnt you. you suck like shit. bottom line, i dont care about ur pity party. just stop taking my friends. youre gay why do you even care about sitting with sarlla ~=D ~=D”

Lobran huffily set down his phone, climbing into his bed. He’d gotten home a little bit ago and had been texting Conrad back off and on. The last message had hurt. Lobran loved Conrad and had never wished for a brother who wasn’t him. He had wished he could be as cool and liked as him, he wished that his brother would like to be with him. Lobran wasn’t even going to dignify Conrad’s last response. He rolled over in his bed, pulling a pillow to his chest and swallowing. 

His throat burned and his eyes were tearing up. When he blinked, a few tears rolled down his cheeks and he sniffled before closing his eyes. He didn’t have much time to wallow in his sadness and tears, though. He heard his mom calling him from downstairs. He didn’t know what she wanted. He sniffled and sat up, wiping his face and trying to calm down as much as he could before going downstairs.

Lobran put on a happy facade to the best of his ability, then opened his door. “Yeah?” he called. His voice cracked like he’d been crying, but he hoped his mom didn’t notice. 

He heard her calling him again and he sighed, closing his door and then hurrying down the stairs. “What, mom?”

“Honey, could you help me make dinner? Conrad said he’s eating at his friend’s house, so I thought you and I could do something special together.” Lobran entered the kitchen and saw his mom. She stood up, an apron tied around her neck. She smiled at him. She always looked like one of those smiley-looking birds when she smiled.

“Um, sure mom.”

The evening ended up going well. Lobran helped his mom make a batch of cookies (he had no idea what his mom did with all the sweets- they had a lot of them at the house, but a lot were usually gone; maybe she took them into work?) before helping her make dinner for the both of them. He and his mom made macaroni and cheese with fish. It was Lobran’s favorite thing to eat, so naturally he was pretty happy about it. 

His mom made the plates pretty with salads and macaroni and fish. His mom always knew how to make food look really nice and taste good. She’d been a chef for a little while before he and Conrad were born. Lobran took their plates to the living room and set them down on the coffee table, then sat down on the couch. His mom came in shortly after him, two glasses of pink lemonade in her hands. She smiled at him and Lobran couldn’t help smile back. He loved his mom.

She sat down next to him, placing the glasses on the table, then looked to him. “Do you want to watch The Little Mermaid?” she asked.

It was kind of childish, but The Little Mermaid was still Lobran’s favorite movie. He absolutely loved it. It made him a little sad, because it made him think of how he and Conrad and Aissil all used to love it as little kids, and that now the other two had grown up and Lobran stayed with this movie. It was still an awesome movie, though. 

Lobran nodded, grinning excitedly. “Totally.”

So, the rest of the evening was spent eating macaroni and fish and watching The Little Mermaid. Lobran had had a small incident where he choked on a cherry tomato from the salad. His mother had patted his back worriedly and tears had come down from his face. His mom had had him drink a bunch of water to make sure the tomato washed down, then they both had a laughing fit after she said, “Gosh sweetheart, your face is as red as the tomato you swallowed!”

It ended up being a pretty great night. Lobran’s conflict with his brother was forgotten for the most part. After the movie, his mom took the dishes to the kitchen and Lobran, in a good mood, offered to do them for her, since she cooked. His mom kissed his forehead and thanked him for doing them, then headed off to her own bedroom. She usually went to bed early, like Lobran. Conrad was the night owl. But tonight, having the living room to himself and no homework or duties, Lobran got out the ice cream and took the bowl to the living room. 

He ended up staying up until about ten, texting Sarlla and Aissil and enjoying himself. Conrad hadn’t texted him any further and he hadn’t pushed him to text him. That night was pretty great and he was determined not to let Conrad ruin it. Lobran discovered that Aissil had a strict bedtime of 9:30 pm and that Sarlla had no bedtime at all, often staying up until one am, at the least. Lobran told Sarlla goodnight over his texts and took his dried and sticky bowl of ice cream remains to wash in the sink. After that, he turned off the television in the living room and went to his bedroom, deciding not to brush his teeth that night. He felt better than he had in probably years. He wondered if this was what Conrad felt like all the time.


End file.
